Unsatisfied and Depressed...

So, I've had a rough time since my last post. Although that baby I posted about is doing great, there have been some other things crop up at work....I had planned to do a little post on Faith, but right now I'm running a little bit low.

So, last Thursday night, when I worked, we got a set of 23 week twins. It was the WORST resuscitation of micropreemies I have ever attended where the babies survived to make it into the NICU. Everything seemed to be stacked against us and the babies. The baby that I worked on ended up dying later that day, after I had come home. I keep running it over and over in my brain, and I KNOW that we did everything right, everything we could for those babies. And I try to remember that maybe he needed to come down and get his body really quick, then was needed back up in heaven. It just seems like lately I've seen so much death, and my heart breaks every time. I'm grumpy and hormonal and so very, very emotionally tired.

Life Giver...

I was just reminded of the....IMPORTANCE....of my job. Here I am at work...we were busy admitting twins at the beginning of our shift, but the twins were doing well, and we were quiet. All of a sudden, my charge nurse pokes her head in our room, and says...Jen, get to room #### NOW!!!! So, I grab my crash box (with all my supplies) and run down the hall. I'm greeted by a terrifying and adrenaline producing site...a baby, head and part of the cord delivered, is stuck. My personal OB, (whom I think is amazing, and his actions tonight just reinforced my feelings) is helping another doctor to TRY to get the rest of the baby out. We know we're in DEEP, DEEP shit. I'm grabbing my supplies to put in the breathing tube, and finally they get the baby out. This baby was born dead. NO effort, no heart rate, nothing. NOTHING. I had a breathing tube in in less than 10 seconds after he hit my table...we started CPR, gave meds, and he came back to us. After an hour of us working with him, he's breathing on his own. He still has a bunch of hurdles to jump, but he is alive.

What a blessing it is to be the Lord's instrument in giving life.

Happy Birthday to the BEST Husband in the world!!!!

This is my wonderful husband, yesterday on Father's Day. This pic was actually a fluke...I tried to take his picture, he made a face(as usual), and as I pushed the button he started to smile...so I got the "in between" face, which is actually a GREAT pic of him. We are now both 32, and, as my grandparents said yesterday, in the Prime of our lives. As I thought about that statement, I realized it's true. We're done with childbearing, and all the ups and downs that go with pregnancy. We both have good jobs and are financially stable. We are both still physically able to to whatever we want, and that's an incredible blessing, especially lately as I watch my Grandfather's sharp mind be trapped in his failing body. And as Cole's mom fights her kidney disease that is stealing her life from her. Our kids are getting older and more independent by the day, and although it's hard in some ways, it's good for all of us. The prime of our lives...

Alec's Ice cream face on Father's day...we barbequed at my parents house, and had a good time!!!
All 3 of my monsters...
Indy...he's doing really well. He's completely adjusted to our house...he's very playful, but also loves to curl up in my lap and sleep. He slept with Alec last night, which made him very happy!!!It's funny to me to watch Talia and Indy together...it's really like they're the same age. They play with each other's toys, and explore the same types of things....it cracks me up.

Anyway, for Cole's birthday and Father's day, he got an air compressor (which arrived on Saturday) and an airbrush (which had not arrived when I was last at home). So, instead of messing around with the airbrush, he build his own "web caster", which makes real looking spiderwebs. Check out his blog for full details on that little project. Cole also spent the weekend building a frame to hang "Fred" on. Fred is a full size skeleton, draped with nylon and liquid latex so that it looks like decaying skin. It's a good thing I know he's not crazy...but I can't vouch for our new "frat boy" neighbors next door!!!

My crafty corner...

So, I love making bracelets so much, I've decided to attempt to branch out into more grown up bracelets and necklaces...I bought myself a beading board (which I LOVE!), and these bracelets were my first attempt...the pic's not as good as I hoped (I still need to work on photographing my jewelry) but I LOVE how they turned out!!! They're for Breanne and Brachelle, who've been my 2 main babysitters for the last few years...I gave Breanne her's today when she came to watch my kids, and she seemed to like it...

Plus, now that Mindy told me about the Swarovski butterfly crystals on firemountaingems.com
I might find even more creativity!!!

Well....

I feel a little bit guilty, because despite our poll...we've chosen a name for our kitten. It's not one of the choices on the list. After I posted the poll, we were talking with the kids at dinner...and Kyle came up with the perfect name. When he said it, Cole and I just looked at each other. It was perfect. All 4 of us were in perfect agreement.....

And so, Indy was named. Although if you ask Alec what the kitten's name is, He'll tell you Indiana Jones. He's really cute, and adjusting well to our life. He knows where the water, food and litter boxes are, and hasn't had a single accident yet. He doesn't like to be alone very well...I guess that's what happens when you're born into a house with 8 people in it. He cries when he can't find one of us. But we did leave the house for several hours last night, and the kitten was fine and not crying for us when we got home. We put him on Kyle's bed to sleep last night, and he didn't move until Kyle woke this morning. One of his favorite places to sleep right now is on top of my scrapbooks...I haven't gotten a pic yet, but it's really cute. I don't know if he likes it because it's a place Cosette doesn't go, or because the kids can't get to it really easily, or just because. Speaking of Cosette...they are getting better adjusted to each other. Today they managed to walk by each other several times without resorting to growling or hissing. Cosette even allowed the kitten to approach her...until it became obvious he was looking to nurse, and she's not able to provide that. She hissed, and he got the message. But it's looking like they may actually be able to become friends. I hope so, but I would be happy if they just tolerated each other.

On the bed front....Talia did really good her first night in her new bed. With the bedrail on one side, and the wall on the other, it's really just a bigger crib for her. She slept crosswise, sprawled all over, and was happy. She fought me a little bit on naps yesterday, but we got through it and today naps went just fine. I love the way her room looks...it's so girly without being too frilly. She loves to go in her room and shut the door...until she realizes she can't get out. Then the demands to get her out come....

Meet the newest member of our family...

This is our new, yet to be named Kitten. Take the poll, vote on your choice for names...but let me give you some background on the reasons for our choices...

Vlad the Impaler was also known as Dracula. He was the historical figure that inspired the legend of Dracula. Because of Cole's fascination with all things of that nature, he thinks Vlad is a perfect choice. I chose Fox, because of his color. Alec wants Batman, for obvious reasons (that's obviously not going to happen, but I wanted the kids to contribute). I also thought of Kazander. Now, Kazander is a character in a series of books I love. He's the young, handsome, impetuous chief of a tribe of wanderers, with true courage and bravery that are unmatched. After watching our kitten this morning, this name seems to fit best, but we'll see. So take the poll, help us decide.
When we brought him home last night, the first thing we did was introduce him to Cosette, our first cat. The kitten snuggled right up, and seemed to feel safe. Then, after about 15 minutes, Cosette was done...the low threatening growls started. Then Cosette stalked off in a sulk.
This morning, after running around after the kids for awhile, he curled up next to Alec on the couch.
He's really playful, and the kids have really enjoyed using the laser pointer to play with him.
And the second change in our house today...This is Talia's new bed. Her new bedroom set arrived today. We'll see how she adjusts when we put her in it to sleep tonight. I'm really excited about how it all looks put together...when I clear the crib and other dresser out of her room, I'll post pics of the whole new look....

What a weekend...

So, I worked Friday, Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday over the past weekend. By Saturday night, I felt like crap again...my cold, which had been better last week, had turned into a sinus infection. I knew I needed to be at church on Sunday, because I had missed the week before, and I really hate missing 2 weeks in a row (and I didn't know it at the time, but poor Mindy wasn't going to be there because she was sick too!), So I asked one of the docs at work to write me a prescription for antibiotics. I have resisted doing this in the past, but I knew I couldn't get any sleep, get to insta-care, and make it to church. So, picked up the antibiotics and was feeling a bit better on monday...went to work...I was tired, and there was emotional drama...I even got sleep on tuesday, thanks to Brachelle, who came and babysat my kids while I slept. However, more emotional drama on Tuesday night, sinus infection on top of that, and I was exhausted on Wednesday. Then...of course Talia didn't take very good naps....and I didn't have ANY caffeine, because I was hoping to get naps...so by Wednesday night, I had a non-caffeine induced migraine. By the time I crawled into bed at 8:30, praying for oblivion, my head was exploding and the blood was leaking out my ears...Ok, it just felt like it. I finally fell asleep after my wonderful husband came to bed and wrapped me in his arms. I slept the rest of the night, and woke up around 8 this morning...before ALL my children got up. A rarity, since my boys are early birds, and Talia is awake the minute she hears them. I spent the morning paying bills online, making a grocery list, going through my coupons, balancing my checkbook...and the afternoon grocery shopping for the month. Now my cupboards and freezer are stuffed full, I have ham and twice baked potatoes baking in the oven, and all is well in my little world.