Do you ever feel like the world is going to end if you don't do everything you're "supposed" to do? Like you're letting down everyone you know and care about if you don't get every little thing done? Like you're being the bad guy if you don't want to go along with everyone else's wishes? Welcome to the crowded confines of my brain.
I've had a rough couple of days. I've been upset about something for a couple of weeks. I've been trying to let it go, trying to tell myself it's really not a big deal...but the fact is, the more I've tried to let it go, the more upset and stressed I've gotten. Then more things have piled up on the original upset, until my brain won't leave it alone. I can't sleep, but I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. My husband is worried to death, because I'm not prone to extreme mood swings, and I've had nothing but extreme mood swings the past couple of weeks. My stomach hurts (strangely, though, I have not had any significant headaches).
I'm not going into details, but the fact is...I've come up with a solution. My solution is going to upset some people I care about. Unfortunately, there's no way around that, I have to do what's best for me.
Since I came to my decision, a certain sense of peace has come over me. Maybe I'll be able to deal with everything else a little better. Maybe I won't be so stressed during the upcoming holidays. Maybe my husband won't think his wife is going insane. Of course, I'm still not forgetting that he ruined his only Christmas surprise. :D
Maybe I'll even be able to come to terms with the original upset that caused the whole downward spiral.
(I know no one really understands this post, but as it's my family record, I need it to be here. Eventually some people will understand. And thanks to the people who've let me vent in person about my upset...)