Vulnerability

So, as I was posting my last post, one of my friends at work was asking me about it. As I was explaining, she asked me why I put stuff out for everyone to read, because it makes you vulnerable. And it's true, It does make you vulnerable. I've been vulnerable several time because of things that I've posted. But I can't seem to stop. The pull of the blog...the catharsis of typing my feelings and letting them out to the world...I've always loved to write. I'm not a story type writer...I do okay with a basic outline, but filling in the details is not my strong point. I've always been better at writing facts and essays. My blog is a great personal tool because I love to write. They always say write what you know. I know my job, my family, and my emotions. So, I guess I've decided that being vulnerable at times is a small price to pay.

I really want to thank everyone who's posted comments of support in my vulnerable times. You made my day. :)

Comment Moderation

So, It's been bugging me. I while back, I posted a "purging" post. I posted it for 2 reasons. 1--because I knew that if I typed my thoughts down, and let them out to the "universe" (so to speak), I would feel better. I've learned that when I get toxic emotions like that, the only way to let them go is to either talk them out or write them down. So, I wrote them down. No kidding, 10 minutes after I typed that post, I felt like a weight was off my shoulders. I felt much better, and all those emotions were GONE. I just needed to get them out, and as I was at work, this was my only real option. So, I really, really thought I had made it PERFECTLY clear that this post was all about ME. MY internal emotions and perspectives. I WAS NOT accusing anyone, blaming anyone, mad at anyone, etc. The entire post was just about my internal perspective about the way I'VE chosen to live MY life, and how sometimes those choices make me feel a bit lonely. Mostly, I don't have that problem. I'm very lucky to have a husband who is also my VERY BEST FRIEND. We share many interests, and quite honestly, if I've got time, I almost always want to be doing something with him (except for scrapbooking, and I've got my mom, SIL, and friends to do that with). I was just having a stressful, hormonal week, and hormones mess with my emotions. So, I purged, and I was better.

The 2nd reason I posted it, online, for all to see...I know I can't be the only person who feels this ways sometimes. I always feel guilty when these emotions pop up, because I'm well aware of how blessed I am. So, I wanted everyone else out there to know...these emotions happen. It's OK. You're not alone.

I really planned to make the post, and forget about it (until I print it for my journal). I never planned to even look at the comments, I had put it so far behind me after writing it. However, my husband insisted I read the comments, and I've been bothered ever since. One anonymous comment, took my post completely out of context, and it irritated me. I haven't been able to let it go. I allow anonymous comments so that my wonderful family, who don't have blogger sign-ons, can comment if they wish. However, since the comment was made, I've decided that the best way to handle stuff like that is to moderate my comments. I'm sorry for any inconvenience this causes anyone, but it's for my sanity and peace of mind.

Once again, I'm well aware of all the things the Lord has blessed me with.

I'm so tired...

I only got about 4 total hours of sleep between working Thursday night and coming back to work tonight (which is really Saturday now, but to me it's still Friday because I haven't been to bed yet). I had Talia on the waiting list for daycare, but although I tried to think positive, I just had a feeling that I wasn't going to be able to get her into daycare today. Of course, today of all days the boys decided to break the rules and be extremely LOUD this morning, waking both me and Talia up 30 minutes before it was necessary for me to be up. (30 minutes may not seem like much, but every little bit helps). Needless to say, I was NOT a happy mommy this morning. After the boys got off to school, Talia and I actually had a pretty good morning. We cuddled on the couch, and she actually watched a little bit of TV...the Backyardigans (for all you mom's out there). This is exciting to me because it helps if I can distract her for a short period of time...and this is the first time TV has distracted her for any amount of time.

So, I'm 1 hour away from being done with my shift tonight. I'm really struggling to stay awake. At least my commute is only 3 minutes!

Before and After and all kinds of things....

So, I got my hair done yesterday. I ususally go about every 5 weeks...my gray grow-out starts to drive me crazy by week 4. However, this time, I needed the color to last through a few events I have coming up...so I went 6 weeks. Basically, I've hated my hair (and by extension, the way I look) for about 2 weeks. It's a relief to feel pretty again.
Before...notice I'm completely gray at the roots...


After...


And then...the School Carnival!


Cole's "Lab" that he created for my mom's school carnival was a huge hit. My mom made around $84 dollars. Considering it was only 1 ticket per time, and each ticket cost 25 cents, they had almost 400 people go through. Cole was so nervous he was sick, but felt pleased at the results. Hopefully, he'll be posting the video on his blog soon.

Now, the rest of the work begins. Cole has all next week off work to put up his "experience"....

Pumpkins, Haunted House, and more Halloween Stuff

We had a really fun day...at the pumpkin "patch", at the Haunted Hollow, and of course, with Cole's newest project out.

Just a review...I really thought the Haunted Hollow---out the 12th street exit on 1900 West---did a really good job. It opens at 7:30 (we were a bit early, but no big deal). It's $15 for adults, kids 6 and under are free. It took us about 30 minutes to walk through. The actors did a really good job balancing the scaring with not getting too intrusive on my personal space, which is always an issue with me at these types of attractions. There are loud noises, and the boys clung to us through the entire thing, but did really well. Alec kept telling the actors that he wasn't scared of them. Kyle's always quiet through these things, but he did really well also. Of course, my kids are somewhat desensitized to things most kids find scary. After all, we currently have a skeleton laying on the couch, and no one in my house bats an eye at that.

Come on by the house after dark if you live in the neighborhood...it looks pretty cool. It's definitely my favorite setup so far.

Better

I guess I am done purging. I feel much better. I just have to get through 6 more hours of work. Yay!!! Tomorrow we're going to the Pumpkin patch in the afternoon, and tomorrow night we're taking the boys to a Haunted House!!!

****WARNING***** Purging

I'm a little depressed today. Needless to say, October has not been the best month for me. Cole, although he loves Halloween, gets extremely stressed this month. That's hard on both of us. I've been fighting off an extremely irritating infection (which is finally gone after 3 courses of treatment), so I've been moody and annoyed over that. It's been a rough week at work. We've gone from 15 to 30 babies in about 8 days time, and lots of them are really sick. I'm currently working my 4th 12 hour shift this week. We're short staffed because it's Fall Break, and it's crazy. I didn't sleep very well today, and I was irritated with Cole for basically no good reason, so now I feel extremely guilty. However, the real matter at hand...I realized something last night. I'm lonely. Lonely for Girlfriend type contact. Last night, we were talking, and 3 girls from the "group" of friend we hang with at work were talking about how they went down to the Bodyworlds exhibit, and to dinner, and they didn't want to go home, etc. Now, that's fine, I'm really don't care that they all went together. I'm fine with being part of the group but not on the inside of the group. It just made me depressed that I don't have anyone to do stuff like that with. A close girlfriend, to shop with, take our kids places together, you know that kind of stuff. I'm perfectly aware that my schedule makes this incredibly hard. The fact that I really try to keep up on my sleep is part of the problem as well...a lot of girls here at work get up with their kids in the morning after working, and do stuff all day. Me, I live for Talia's naptime so that I can get another 1.5 hours of sleep. I'm one of those people who doesn't do well without her sleep. It's the same with the girls around the neighborhood...I feel (not blaming ANYONE but my own emotions here) that there's this divide that I can't cross because I choose to work, and they choose to be at home with their kids. They have a flexibility that I don't have. By choice, but again, I can't help my emotions. It's hard to feel left out, even when you logically know that it's not the case. Logic is well and good, but although my brain has the capability of being logical, my heart is led by emotion and hormones. And right now, my brain is too tired to let logic overcome emotion.

I don't feel like I'm quite done purging, but no more random thoughts are coming to my brain.

It's a Secret...

Ok, So I ran into an old friend at Costco Yesterday....but since it's a secret that they're in town, I wont' tell you who! It was so good to see them, how big the kids are getting, etc. So, it was really good to get to see you yesterday, ____!

Oh, and she said to pass on hello's to several of my favorite bloggers....Mindy, Christie, and everyone else in the ward. Does that give you a clue?

Funny things Kids say...

Just a few random things...

A few weeks ago, before we had Halloween costumes pinned down, Cole informed me that Alec wanted to be a ghost. So I asked Alec, "Why do you want to be a ghost?"
He replied, "Because it's Cool!" I asked him "What made you think of being a ghost?"
He answered (quite seriously) "My Brain!".

In primary yesterday, one of the most amazing women I know was doing sharing time. She was teaching about keeping the sabbath day holy, and the topic came to music. She asked Senior Primary, "Why do we listen to good music on Sunday's?" and one of Kyle's friends said (also quite seriously) "because you don't want to listen to sucky music on Sunday!" It was all I could do not to bust a gut laughing, I'm still chuckling over it today.

Also in primary (Junior primary this time), this same woman, holding a picture of the sacrament being passed, asked what the most important thing we can do on Sunday is. Alec got to answer, and his answer was "Play the playstation!" Of course, that's because they're rarely allowed the playstation on Sunday, so of course it's the most important thing he wants to do on Sunday....

Things are busy here, I'll be working 4 shifts this week, so I may not get much posting in. As it is, we have 8 babies on ventilators, and we're short staffed most of the week. Crazy times....

Scrapbooking....

So,I went scrapbooking yesterday with some girls from work. We went to a crop clear out at the Bear River Civic Center. The crop was put on by a girl a friend of mine from work knows. It's actually a really nice place to scrapbook. Lots of space, good lighting, and plenty of access to electrical outlets. The girl who does the crop, Andrea, gets Maddox takeout for dinner, so it's a really fun little outing.
I got 16 pages done. Here's my 2 personal faves from the bunch (although they all turned out great, I had a fantastic creative breakthrough going on.)




However, one of the best parts...Look what I found!

We walked over to the country market across the way to get drinks and a treat. They had a small, but ijpressive scrapbook selection, and I found these pieces that are absolutely perfect for my Birthday Countdown Calendar I've been working on.
I had put off finishing it, hoping for a different option than the non-existent page pebbles. I guess my patience paid off.

It's snowing right now...Kyle played soccer today, but I refuse to make Alec play in bad weather. He told me he didn't want to play in the snow. Why should he? My SIL coaches my nephew, and she got an email this week that said that everyone should have played last week unless they had a late afternoon game. WHAT? At Kyle's 10:30 game, it was pouring rain, and he was soaked to the skin and freezing by the time we were done. Today he played in sleet, and it was colder. I don't understand why they make the kids play in weather like this. Professionals don't play in bad weather. I just want my kids to have fun, get exercise, learn a skill and how to play on a team. I don't want them to be miserable. I've pretty much decided we won't be playing next year. I've been unhappy with the way things were run this year. It's been disorganized, and they expect the kids to play in bad weather? Not my kids.

Tag! 5 things about Kyle!

No, I didn't forget. I've just been having a lot of problems with blogger letting my upload pics...as it is, I wasn't able to upload everything I had planned to.
(is anyone else having the same problems, or is it just me? )

1. Kyle is my near Christmas baby. I actually came home from the hospital with him on Christmas, 1998.
2. Out of all my children, I have made the most trips to the Emergency Room with Kyle. Both for illness and accidents. I swear, he's got some kind of magnetic attraction to Cement.
3. He is an oldest child by personality as well as by being born first. He is a bit bossy with his younger siblings, likes to play the parent, and we often have to remind him that he's not the mommy or daddy.
4. He is a good brother to Alec, but he is a great brother to Talia. He's going to be the one who protects her, loves her, and takes care of her. Alec will too, but not the the extent that Kyle will.

5. He loves to swim, he's a fish. We first put him in a pool when he was 4 1/2 months old, and he's loved it ever since.

He's a good boy, and has been since he was a baby. In fact, everyone in my family would tell me, "we can't believe what a good baby he is." It was true, he was so very easy until he was about 2, and then he got into normal toddler mischief.

I tag....

Ammon H.
Gracie S.
Savannah A.
Sarah L.
Cole V.

So much for....

...A relaxing Conference Sunday. I worked Saturday night, and slept in Sunday morning. I woke just before 10, and we were doing a few things, when Cole called me into the bathroom and asked, "Has this been like this?" while pointing at the ceiling.


This is what we saw...bubbling of the paint on the ceiling, which he then ripped some of the paint off to see if the wood underneath was wet. It was. Now, we are well aware that we are going to need a new roof in the next couple of years. However, we were counting on one more winter. Well, Cole climbed up in the attic, and we discovered where the leak is. It's (thankfully) around the exhaust fans...so all we need to do is waterproof around the outside again. And, since I've wanted to paint the bathroom for some time, this gives me the perfect excuse. :)

M&M's and a cheesy grin...M&M's make everyone feel better!

Bedhead...plus, these pj's, hand me downs from my great friend Michele, are sooooooo CUTE!!!!

Update on my Advent Calendars...

NO Page Pebbles anywhere to be found. I did, however decide that Hobby Lobby is my new favorite craft store. Their Christmas decorations alone were making me lust....I only spent about 20 minutes in there, Talia was getting cranky because it was nap time. I really wanted to explore...some other time.

I was really impressed with their scrapbook section....but since there were no page pebbles(not even a place they were supposed to be)...I decided to try something different. I bought Mod Podge, and put 2 coats on the front of my Christmas days pieces, one coat on the back, and then put a coat of spray acrylic over that. I like the results...so we'll see. On my Halloween pieces, I decided to try just the spray acrylic. Those are still drying, so we'll see how well they turn out.

I found some Calendar Rub ons, to put numbers on my pieces. It was kind of a pain, because the pieces were already attached to the magnets...but it ended up being a decent solution. Next time, I would make sure the pieces are numbered before I attached them to the magnets. Live and Learn.....

Crafter----ALL DAY!

So,we all did our Advent Calendars Yesterday at Mindy's all day craft spectacular....Thanks Again, Mindy, for letting me and my darling stinkerbum invade your house, use your supplies, and create such cute things!!!

My Christmas Advent Calendar....

I'm all done, although I might try to find a bit more ribbon for the top, and I need to either find page pebbles for the day pieces, or I thought that maybe I could spray them with Acrylic to make them harder and protect the numbers. I've said it before, but I'm so glad I have my Cricut...it makes projects like this so much easier!

So here's my Halloween one...



It's not quite done, as you can see....I need to find some way of numbering the pieces, and then again, either page pebbles or acrylic to make them more durable. A bit more varied colors of ribbon to add to the top. The best part of it all though, was that Cole was both impressed with my work, and Liked both of the calendars. For a guy who likes the creepy(NOT cutesy) Halloween stuff, and tolerates Christmas because I love it so much (after all, I deal with his Halloween Obsession), that was saying a lot. I was completely wiped out last night, but pleased with what I accomplished yesterday. Again, thanks Min, I couldn't have done it without you! I find that I have trouble coming up with a basic crafty idea on my own, but once the idea is there, I have no problem using my own creativity to personalize it.

I also started a birthday countdown Advent....but it's only about 1/2 done, so I'm not going to post it until it's finished. I'm pleased with how it's coming along though.

I haven't forgotton the Kyle tag...I'll get to it soon!

18 Months...

So, my last baby turned 18 months old yesterday. I had planned to post this last night, on her exact half birthday, but my day didn't go very well yesterday, and I just didn't get to it.
I worked Tuesday night, and I hadn't been sleeping well, so I was already tired. I didn't get much sleep yesterday, either. Kyle had choir, so we were up early, and at nap time, Talia slept, but someone in the neighborhood was doing some kind of work...because every time I started to drift off, I would hear the lovely(NOT) sound of large equipment and workers. Then, to add insult to injury, I drove all over town looking for Page Pebbles and rickrack for our Crafterday today....only to find out that there are no page pebbles in my local sphere. So, I don't quite know how I'm going to finish the project today, which is frustrating.

Then, Talia didn't want to cooperate with the little 18 month "Photo Shoot" I wanted to do...but as you can see from her slideshow, I managed to get some darling pictures anyway.

I did end up relaxing last night, and finally was able to sleep last night as well, so I'm feeling much better today.

Kyle was tagged by Lisa and Boston, so I'll hunt up some pictures of him and post about that later tonight or tomorrow morning.