Happiness is a Journey, not a destination.


Thursday, May 7, 2009

Confessions of a Terrible Mother


I have come to accept in my life that Alec was sent to me to be the child that tries me to my ultimate limits. He has an ability to push my buttons like neither of my other kids do. Alec has been a challenge from the time I was 25 weeks pregnant with him...It was the night before Cole was due to leave for Seattle, on his very first business trip for his new job. I had been sick all day, and preterm labor started. We spent 6 hours in the hospital getting labor stopped. The remainder of my pregnancy was characterized by contractions whenever I worked, and having preterm labor stopped 2 more times before he came early at 36 5/7 weeks. My labor with him was twice as long as with Kyle, and he didn't tolerate any of it. They were getting me ready for an emergency c-section when he decided to turn his head straight so he could be born. His cord was wrapped twice tightly around his neck. I feel very lucky that he didn't die either during the process, or because we waited too long to deliver him.

He is a very literal child, everything is black and white, with no shades of gray. This is challenging. However, he is also a very sweet, loving child, highly intelligent, and I feel blessed to have him as my son.

However, this morning ended terrible for both of us.....
It started out ok. I worked last night, but both boys got up and ready with no problems. As we were headed out the door, the boys to school, me getting Talia in the car to take her to daycare, Kyle mentioned that Alec's pants smelled like urine. Sure enough, they were damp and smelled terrible. They were the ones he wore yesterday, so I asked him if he wet his pants yesterday(you have to remember, here, that Alec is afraid of all toilets that are not the ones in our house). He told me no. The lie set me off...we've been trying to get through to both boys that we're always more angry when you lie than when you tell the truth. I started yelling, and by the time he was leaving, he was crying, I was crying...I did hug him goodbye, and told him I was sorry to be so angry, but I feel like the worst mother in the world. He had a bad day at school, however, and it's probably all my fault. I am at my wits end with him right now. He has always responded well to concrete instructions, but he's not listening AT ALL right now. That pushes some pretty big buttons with me. I don't know what to do. I need to come up with some way of dealing with him right now, because I'm so very, very tired of yelling.

This is my dose of reality for the day. I just needed to get it out. Tomorrow will be better.


Rachael said...

Hayden is the exact same way. There is never any gray. He tests Jesse and Me so much, he pushes us so far.

I blew up on him today. I was driving on the freeway going 75. I look in the conversation mirror and see Hayden almost standing in his seat trying to play with the latch to the fold down seat in the middle. He told me I wasn't allowed to yell at him. I yelled at him telling him when it comes to his safety I was going to yell at him until he understood that he can't do something like that while I'm driving.

I have to put my Love & Logic cd's in and listen to them while driving a lot. They usually help calm me down and he does understand and listen to them as well. Which is kinda weird for how young he is. But I'd rather he did understand some of what I am listening to.

Rachael said...

The main thing I have to remember and think to myself over and over with Hayden when he does do something really naughty is "Pick your battle." A lot of the time I just have to suck it up, breath, start cleaning the mess, or walk away and go back two minutes later. Hayden is in his room a lot. I don't like having to put him in his room so much. But it's better for both of us.

I tell Hayden all the time when he's really naughty that he should be so... glad Mommy's home taking care of this. Cause if Daddy was home he would be in a world of trouble.

Rachael said...

P.S. Your a great Mommy! Now that I know Alec and Hayden are so much a like I may have to call you for tips as Hayden gets older. I don't know how I am going to get through the next 15 years.

Mindy said...

You have the right attitude, tomorrow will be better.
You are not a horrible mother.. this scenario sounds all too familiar to me.. Lynn had the same problem, luckily the week I was computer-less ;) I couldn't blog about all of her accidents. She ended-up with a UTI, because she holds it in; afraid of the toilets at school. Merrill held me one night after I let loose on her, after she too, lied about having an accident. I felt horrible. Our mommy daughter date helped a lot. The one-on-one time enabled us to talk without the distractions of other siblings, and the love she and I both needed was expressed.
Good luck!
Love ya!

TiGi said...

Tomorrow will be better, believe me. Alec is simply a blessing in disquise. I know, I have a few very similiar. I had many, many days like yours sounded like and now, I realize, it was really nothing.

Don't feel bad because you got mad. Why wouldn't you, you're only human, not supermom. She doesn't exist. I read something about being the perfect grandparent. The requirement-to be there. That is also a good requirement for a parent. You're there and you care.
And you are a good mom. I know.

Brian and Staci Staples said...

If you figure it out let me know. Since the 7 year olds birthday we have also lost all control. She doesn't listen, she completely and totally makes the decisions to disobey and if you call her on it she throws a temper tantrum which she has never done. So if you find any good solutions let me know because this bad mother has been yelling everyday.